The mind game of Long-Covid - Exercise Intolerance for a exercise nerd

There is this term 'fatigue' used to describe long covid, chronic fatigue or many other post viral conditions. As someone who has run a few marathons, and grown and birthed children I know a thing or two about mental and physical exhaustion. For half of 2020 and all of 2021 I bobbled into a deep fatigue state. The sensation of when you wake up in the morning you are still so tired you only want to move your eyeballs. The one other time in my whole life where I felt this bone deep chronic tiredness was in that very first trimester of pregnancy. Half way through 2020 it hit me like a ton of bricks, and stayed with me for well over a year. 

I spoke to doctors, got blood tests. I had a myriad of other symptoms like body pain from my feet up to the base of my skull after standing for just a small period of time. Intense brain fog and blurry vision and ice pick headaches. When I found 'Autistic Burnout' written about and figured out I have neurodiverse traits I thought well, that was just an insanely bad batch of burnout. But my gut has always told me something else was also going on.

Almost every time I mentioned my suspicions of covid/longcovid the Doctors would say something similar to "well we don't know much about that yet" so lets pursue these other avenues. But finally, years into my own story I can finally say. THAT WAS LONG COVID BITCHES.

With 2+ years of therapy both physical and mental I have ruled out everything else. If the knowledge was there at the time of my infection and symptoms it would have been shockingly obvious to every doctor. But back then, no, we all had no idea what was going on. 

I am thankful my current doctors are not only listening to me but are willing to take the journey further. That they understand that while I feel 90% better in my day to day life, it has taken away one of the things I love the most. Running and endurance sports. 

So the brain fog is gone, the neurological symptoms that made me only have 2-3 good hours of functioning in a day has diminished. Twice weekly strength training really has helped my muscle weakness and imbalances. I don't need daily naps anymore, and when I do I actually find them recharging instead of just a way to get through the day. I can drive and work (part time) without falling asleep doing both. My mood has stabilized to something that resembles myself, I'll always have a limit to my patience and an heightened sensory world. I am still full of traits that make me, me. But being physically and mentally disabled by these things day to day is thankfully a thing of the past.

But my heartrate is still fucked up during exercise. I have hard data to back it up. I use to run 9:30 pace at under 140 beats per min. Currently after 6 months of low heartrate training (to not aggravate it further) I have to run around 12-13 min miles to keep my heartrate in that zone, and even then its a struggle. A setting on my watch beeps at 147 b/p/m and it beeps at me every time I exercise. Every time I try to run, bike, hike... all the things I love. Exercising with a heart rate of 160-180 when you are used to 130-140 takes a toll on my body and leads to stress. 

This is what running used to look like compared to what it looks like now. 

Key data: Avg Moving Pace and Avg HR

I have come back from injury and pregnancy before, I know what it feels like to be 'out of shape'. This is not that. It's taken this long for me to believe that, three years where almost every time I exercised even 50% of what 'normal' used to be I would flare back up to intense exhaustion. What is now called, Exercise Intolerance or Post Exercise Malaise. A three mile walk/jog would make me feel like I ran a marathon after. But the mind is a powerful thing and my mind keeps thinking the next run I take will feel like it used to. It craves that sensation of a controlled heartrate but still flying limbs and speed. That combination of endurance aerobically and physical health. I was good at that. 

So off to more testing both for my heart, lungs and maybe even my bloods ability to process oxygen. 

I keep wishing I figured all this out sooner. I wish I was running and recording my heartrate right before I got covid so the shift would have been obvious. I wish I had a strong relationship with a primary care doctor already so I wouldn't bounce around and try to convince people for 2 years first. I wish I knew that my inability to exercise and deep deep fatigue were related. But I was honestly living day to day back then, trying to just push through for everyone else. So shifting my mindset to current and future living is something I'm working on.

I have great folks in my corner now, and I know we will at least figure out what its happening. If I can fix it, that is a whole other story. Running may be something I will say goodbye to. But I'm not there yet.