I dont want a stupid bike I want to not have long covid anymore

I DON'T WANT A STUPID BIKE, I WANT TO NOT HAVE LONG COVID ANYMORE!

I'm supposed to go get a new bike today. Biking outside is my poor substitution for running and my old bike is a POS.  Yesterday I took a Zyrtec because my face is breaking out in hives from my yearly ragweed allergy and then spent 15 of the next 20 hours sleeping. Because I am one of the lucky 1 in 6 people who get drowsy from Zyrtec. My body is already borderline out of energy from a weird inflammation/micro clot/oxygen processing issue that covid gifted me three years ago ....so... I crashed hard. Then I got a PTSD reaction from being chronically exhausted for the first year plus of my covid infection so that made me have a mental breakdown into tears for the next 3 hours. 

When this happens I feel like I am going absolutely mad. Because no one is helping me and I spend all my 'free time' I do and DONT have 'resting' because its the only thing that sometimes helps me have the amount of energy for life that I used to have. But I never have the amount of energy I had before covid for running so I don't get to do my favorite thing in the whole wide world. So then I cry for half a day after I slept for almost a whole day when I was supposed to be happy to go get a new bike and go out to dinner. But dinner will make my weird ragweed food allergy worse so that in fact does not sound like a good plan anymore. Oh and I turn 40 in 10 days.

And this is my reality.

Im genuinely pissed at medical professionals telling me they will help and then not helping. Just be honest and say, 'this is out of my wheelhouse', or 'I do not have time for this along with my current patient load and because you LOOK okay I will not take your requests seriously so it would be better if you found a different doctor". 

I have done and continue to do absolutely everything I can do without medical help to fix this. I currently have an excellent therapist, and strength coach I pay over $600 a month for out of pocket to keep me even at this level of functioning. I do this because I believe in preventative medicine and would rather spend my earned money on that than almost anything else. I have spent 3 years figuring this out and am very close. If you know my brain you know I am exceptional at doing this, it is my skill, its extremely hyper-focused and specific. I know the next things we should rule out, test and possibly medicate for. And I am more than willing to hear educated people tell me they know more than me, I seek experts, I love being told what I don't know... when it is accurate. But also apparently I am not allowed to prescribe my own medications, write my own referrals or draw my own blood. 

So medical staff, here I am, at your mercy. 

Also FUCK YOU. I know how to run a business properly and you do not. Its a terrible shit show and my brain explodes with that knowledge at every step so my rage is simmering just below the surface that you GET to make all that money in this poorly run business. While if we ran our business the same way for ONE WEEK we would be over, done, 15 years down the drain, no longer in operation. 

But guess what, because I am who I am. I will dry my tears, take a deep breath, wait until your stupid office opens on Monday and then KEEP TRYING. 

PS - Im switching to Allegra, don't worry.