Run - Second time around

(Views from my longest best run yet, 4.7 miles and a few miles under 9 min pace)

So after saying goodbye from blogging I got the urge to... so why not?

I may not post often but maybe still once in a while, never say never.

I watched the NYC marathon this morning. I thought about running all day, I think about running almost every day. Its so motivational to watch a big race like that. I have been running for three weeks. Its slowly getting better. It is pretty rough still. I am still carrying 20 extra pounds. 20 pounds over my normal weight, my 'not super fit but just running for fun' weight. With Wes I was already knocking off a few pounds a week once I started running. This time it is just sitting there. I am getting a tiny bit faster and able to go a tiny bit farther each day I run but the weight just sits. Its hard to run 'heavy'. I have a belly that flops around and sticks out still. I am gonna be honest and say I do not like it very much. I am going to be honest and say I would rather it not be here. But I also don't want to cut down my food a ton or go on a 'clean' diet. I HATE to mess with my food. I would much rather run it off and breastfeed it off. I am not a bad eater and I already try to be fairly balanced and honestly I just don't want to be one of those women. One of those moms who wont have a cupcake with their kid or wont share a glass of chocolate milk. I also love food. Its one of my favorite things, one of my hobbies, creating meals, eating meals, trying new foods. So running it is.

But I am struggling to be patient and that is all I can be. Every run is filled with thoughts of "when will this get better?" "When will I fit into my running clothes and my regular clothes again?" I know I am only 9 weeks out from delivery but this part is so hard for me this time. I know that the breastfeeding weight loss tends to kick in around 3 months and hopefully I will be running a bit more by then too. So it wont be around forever, right?

I have goals that keep me going. Other than weight loss, for that I have hidden my scale and said I will not step on that damn thing again until my clothes tell me I have lost the weight. I hate reading that same number over and over again, that number that is so much more than it read last time I didn't have a baby in me. Instead I will focus on a Turkey Trot at Thanksgiving and a First Day run on New Years Day and a Sap Run in early spring and Half Marathon in Spring sometime and maybe a marathon in late 2015 or for sure 2016. Races are the closest thing I get to running with a team, with a group, and I miss running with people. So even though I am slow, I go, and run and catch the high from everyone around me. I will focus on strengthening my pelvic floor, going to post natal yoga, staying uninjured, stretching, and just getting in those runs. One at a time and I will get back to myself. I know it deep down, I know I will, and I know in a few months this time will seem like no big deal. But right now, ugh, I just want my eyes to not go straight to my middle when I look in a mirror. I want to get better at noticing my thoughts and moving on from them, pushing the bad ones to the side and letting the hopeful ones, the good ones glow.

That's it about running.

A short update on everything else with two littles. Its good... now. The first month was hard, but we have an okay grove now. I long for a helper, for another set of hands some days but we do it. We get though as a family. We have 'discussions' and find routines that work, for now, and make loose plans for later. I get the important stuff in; short runs, family time, a little bit of work and a little bit of sleep, and the days move along and things get a little easier.  I love Miss Lily more than words can say. I love to kiss the soft spot between her cheek and neck. I love the chunky leg rolls. I love to pet her fuzzy head. I love to work hard to make her smile and giggle. I love how she loves to be held. I love her baby smell and her baby squishy lips and her baby everything. Its hard, so hard at times, when I feel like one giant boob but oh so worth it.

(Lily at 8.5 weeks)

Wes is two. Can you believe it? I started this blog when he was just a thought, a goal, a plan, and now he is TWO. He made up this word "Ba-Douf" that means "move, move over there, over here, change positions, relocate" Its awesome and totally made up and makes so much sense and no sense at all. I love "Ba-Douf". He answers questions in excited "Yep!" or quiet "no" or "nope". When I try to figure out what he wants or what hes saying and I get the "Yep!" I think I am just as thrilled as he is. A two year old is so fun. We talk...to each other... about things! I sing this song before bed and he chimes in with the "mooooon" part.

He loves tools and cars and trucks and will only sit still for Curious George. He loves to eat and have 'snack' but isn't as fond of sitting down for meals unless he is super hungry. He eats more dairy and fruit than anything else but loves capers and spaghetti too. He will eat an apple whole but spit out the skins. He loves just about everyone and will say hello to strangers and is rarely afraid of people. He loves climbing around the playgrounds and walking on the trails and pushing his stroller down the bike path. Last week he took a burp cloth, laid it on the bike path during a walk, smoothed it all out, than laid down on it and said "watch bike" with both hands under his chin. I have no idea where he got that from but it was just about the cutest thing, unfortunately for him no bikes were around to watch. He says "momma run" when he sees me get back from a run, and pumps his one arm hard when he has his own races back and forth in the kitchen. He always starts them with a countdown though lately it was just the number "three, three, three" then go! He is quirky and fun and sweet and goes to sleep and naps like a champ. He also melts down and whines and wont give me kisses when I want them but I guess that's okay. I love this little peanut.

(Wes as a construction worker on Halloween)